I’m leaving you. It’s not you, it’s me… I hate you.
Things I’ve said to my Android recently:
‘Just open the page, how can this be taking so long?!’
‘Refresh, refresh, oh my God now!’
‘That’s not a picture, that’s just blur’
GPS: ‘I’m not in the river, I’m next to the canal, WHY WOULD I BE IN THE RIVER?’
‘Force close? Again, really?’
‘Oh the Wildfire is a smartphone alright, for people too stupid to know there’s better out there’
‘How many clicks can there possibly be to get to the settings?’
‘What are all these icons at the top of the screen? It’s like deciphering hieroglyphics.’
‘Oh out of battery again? What a surprise! I’m lucky I’m not trapped down a well’
So… basically, Android. I’m leaving you for Siri. Don’t call, don’t write. Don’t crash all my applications.